At the last moment I left it open-ended. I, unwillingly--but also willingly-- invited a counter-offer. I allowed myself to forget about the agonizing hours I had spent making mental lists and questioning my motives for leaving; hours of analyzing which had lead me to believe that the best decision would be to leave.
So why did I do it? Why did I leave it open to negotiation? Why didn't I just cut it off? Why couldn't I just say, professionally, that I was moving on to possibly bigger and better things?
possibly.
I could possibly be moving on to bigger and better things.
Why is possibility so difficult of a concept? Why does it have negative connotations for me? Isn't Possibility an intrinsically POSITIVE word?
"imagine the possibilities"
That sounds positive right? Why do I read it as
"imagine the consequences" ?
Dwelling in possibility is supposed to be a delightful thing.
But I am stuck -- neither fully committed to the possibility of staying nor fully committed to the possibility of going elsewhere -- and still agonizing over the future possibilities of both possible situations.
Meanwhile, my offer from the Museum sits, in an envelope on my desk, beginning me to go.
And my boss, who is across the country, asks that I wait until he returns to discuss my decision. Next. Monday.
